Len Kagamine's Diary
by PaigePantalones
Summary: Follow the daily life of Len Kagamine
1. Chapter 1

10/19/2011

Dear Diary,

Today I saw Luka standing in the kitchen, so I decided to go try out my new pick up line on her. I stood by her and smiled.

"Hey Luka."

"What?"

"It seems I dropped my phone down your pocket. Do you mind if I reach down and get it?"

"….You didn't drop your phone down my pocket."

"Are you sure?" I asked

"Len…I don't even have pockets…"

"Oh…yeah…right…" I said and quickly walked away.

Then I saw Rin down stairs. I decided to go annoy her since there was nothing better to do.

"Hey Rin!" I shouted, running down the stairs. I then slipped and fell down the stairs into some cat food…..So that's what she was putting on the ground.

"Owwwwww." I said, rubbing my head.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" She was rolling on the floor laughing. It looked like she was having a seizure or something.

"That wasn't freaking funny Rin"

"It is!" She said, still laughing.

I looked at the cat food.

"You know we don't even have a cat right?"

"I'll find one!" she said and stormed off. I guess that's really all that happened today.

See you later,

Kagamine Len


	2. Chapter 2

10/20/11

Dear Diary,

Today Rin explained to me what yaoi is.

"So the seme is like the leader right?"

Rin nodded her head, "Yep."

"I'd rather be the seme because then I could just unzip my pants and not have to take them off!"

"OH MY GOD LEN!" Rin said, laughing so hard her eyes started watering.

"What? It's true!" I honestly didn't get what was so funny about it.

Rin just walked out of my room still laughing. I decided to go see what Kaito thought about the matter.

"Heyyyy Kaiiitttoooo!"

"What?"

"Would you rather be the seme or the uke?"

"…"

"…..What?"

"Where did you learn about seme and ukes?...Did you go in my room again?"

"No…..what's in your room?"

"Nothing!" Kaito said nervously and quickly walked away.

I decided to go see what Kaito was hidding from me. Quietly, I walked into Kaito's room and shut the door. The posters I saw on the wall were horrid. I would explain them, but I really would rather get those pictures out of my head. I swear, everything in that man's bedroom was something perverted. I started to read one of these strange books he had, but I didn't even know what some of the things in there meant.

Sadly, my curiosity got the best of me and I ended up googling it…..Worst mistake of my life! Just as I was about to walk out of the room, I hear Kaito coming down the hallway. I ran into his closet and hid under some of his clothes. I don't know when the last time he washed them, but I seriously thought I was gonna die in there from the stench. I was in his closet for about an hour and decided the coast was clear. I jumped out and did some super awesome ninja stunts before I left his room.

I'm pretty sure this was all Rin's fault. She was the one who told me about yaoi, and if I didn't know about it, I wouldn't have asked Kaito about semes and ukes, and if I never asked that, he wouldn't have asked me if I went into his room, which wouldn't have made me want to go look in there. This proves that my theory that everything is Rin's fault is true.

I think I'm gonna go wash my eyes out now.

Bye for now,

Kagmaine Len


	3. Chapter 3

10/21/11

Dear Diary,

Today I woke up and felt really sick. It was so horrible! I thought for sure I was gonna die. When I didn't leave my room for my morning banana, Luka walked in.

"Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh"

"What's wrong Len?"

"I don't feel good"

"Oh, I'm sorry. Is there anything I can get you?"

"No, no, nothing at all, I'll just sit here in pain and suffer"

Luka looked at me, rolled her eyes, and turned to leave.

"UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Wow….um, you sound like your going to give birth or something"

"…..I don't know what to say to that."

"…"

"In case I die today, tell Miku I put honey in her shampoo"

"…..Sure…..How about I take you to the zoo to make you feel better?"

"YAY!" I jumped out of bed and got some clean clothes on.( Luka left the room so she wouldn't see my goodies.)

We walked into the zoo and everyone was wearing costumes. I felt like the odd one out so I decided to find a costume. We walked around until we found the little gift shop. The people there were selling bananas! I've never been so happy to find something in a gift shop. I bought ten bananas, ate them, and tied the peals together. ( Its actually very hard and take some mad skills and tape.) Then I put them on my hair and wore them like a wig.

"Who are you supposed to be?"

"I'm clearly Rin"

Luka just stared at me and I realized I was missing something. I stuck two oranges down my shirt.

'There we go!"

Luka started to burst out laughing.

"What? Do I look like Rin?"

Luka nodded her head.

"Of course." She said sarcastically.

We then went to see the monkeys.

"Mommy look! Its Rin Kagamine!"

I smirked at Luka but she just rolled her eyes. Then a monkey came and took my banana wig!

"Oh wait, its just Len with boobs"

The little boy's mother shielded the boy's eyes and walked away quickly. I really didn't understand this because she obviously had bigger…"oranges" than me but she wasn't shielding her kid's eyes from hers.

I decided to keep the oranges down my shirt for my costume, though they kept falling down. I really wish there was some sort of object that just kept them in place! We walked around the zoo and saw all the animals. I got some strange looks and I heard some people talk to each other and ask if I was a boy gone wrong. Pshhh, no, that's Rin.

"Come on Len, its time to go."

We left just as the zoo was about to close.

"Do you feel any better now?"

I sneezed right in Luka's face.

"Does that answer your question?"

She punched me really hard in the shoulder.

"Owww! Child abuse!"

Of course no one could hear us. I got in the car and Luka drove us home. We got home and Luka literally kicked me out of the car.

"Luka! You squished my oranges!"

She just stared at me and walked inside. I went to my room and took out the oranges. What to do with these? I think I'll give them to Rin.

See you soon,

Kagamine Len


	4. Chapter 4

10/25/11

Dear Diary,

The reason I haven't been writing in this thing is because I was sick…and I'm also lazy. But anyways, I was staring at one of those Sour Cream & Onion chip bags and realized that the onions on there look just like tiny leeks. Then it hit me! Leeks are onion! No wonder Miku's breath could kill a vampire…no wait, that's garlic. But still, I honestly think that girl could use some breath mints.

Oh yeah, today I came up with another amazing pick up line and decided to use it out on Luka once again.

"Hey Luka!"

"Oh god, what now?"

"On a scale from one to ten, you're a nine and I'm the one you're missing" I said winking and elbowing her.

"Wow….that was even worse than the last one."

"Whatever! I'm like a poet. My words can bring soft tears or sweet love."

"Riiight….." She then left me standing alone in the sad, lonely hallway.

Before I heard footsteps coming down the hall, I could smell onions. It was Miku.

"HEEEY LEEN!" She said breathing directly in my face.

My eyes started watering. "Hey Miku."

Suddenly I missed being alone in the hallway.

Miku just stood there and stared at me, smiling. Her mouth wasn't even open and I could smell the leeks.

"So whatcha doing?" She said, breathing out toxicity.

Then I broke,

"GOD MIKU! YOU NEED BREATH MINTS OR SOMETHING!"

She just stared at me and laughed.

"I have breath mints! See?"

She pulled out a little container labeled "Leek Mints".

"What idiot made those?"

"I DID!" She said and ran away crying.

Now I usually hate making people cry, but I was just happy to be breathing clean air again. I guess that's all that happened today.

Still thinking of something catchy to write here,

Kagamine Len


	5. Chapter 5

10/26/11

Dear Diary,

Today Rin stole my lunch which made me sad because I packed magical banana juice and I was so looking forward to drinking it! She obviously hates my sexy guts.

Anyways, today I came up with the best idea ever! Flavored nail polish! The different colors could have different flavors. Yellow could be banana, orange could be orange, and green could be leeks…. Or maybe mints so Miku's breath could smell a little better. I could become rich and famous off this amazing idea! I bet I could get like a Nobel Prize or something (What ever those are anyways.). I mean, I have a horrible habit of chewing my nails and I bet this flavored nail polish would make them taste amazing! Just thinking of banana nail polish makes my mouth water.

Well anyways, I also figured out how to out lazy laziness. I was just standing around, minding my own business when all of a sudden Rin came up to me and told me to sit down. I of course didn't want to because standing is "what all the kids do".

"I'm too lazy to sit." I told her.

She just stared at me and raised her eyebrow.

"What?"

"That's right, I just out lazied laziness!"

She just rolled her eyes and left.

Today was a very productive day.

The end,

Kagamine Len


	6. Chapter 6

10/27/11

Dear Diary,

Today I had an orange. I really don't get why Rin likes them so much. They make a huge mess and I could barely open it. I kept stabbing my thumb halfway through it when I tried to peel the orange and my thumb came out all sticky and wet (ha-ha!). Rin must have some mad orange peeling skills if she can peel them so perfectly.

I also some peanut brittle today, but Rin said I couldn't go in her room with food. I stuffed the whole box of the peanut brittle in my mouth and happily walked in her room.

"Ha-ha!" I said between chews.

Then I started choking and have weird spasm attacks.

"Sorry Len, no choking in my room." She said, pushing me out.

"I could have died!" I yelled, finally swallowing the peanut brittle.

"No dying in my room either." She said and shut the door.

What can I do in her room?

Anyways, this shows that all foods except bananas are evil.

Well after all that happened I found a red pen and drew eyes on the palms of my hands. Then I walked to the park and "stared" at people with my hand eyes. I guess I must have really scared a kid because he ran away screaming. It brings me joy to know I have personally scarred someone today.

Well, that's it for now.

The end,

Kagamine Len


	7. Chapter 7

11/6/11

Dear Diary,

Sorry I haven't written in awhile, I'm just a horribly lazy person with a life of epic awesomeness.

Anyways, I decided to take French but the only word I remember is peut-être, and that means maybe.

Rin and I went to a Mexican bakery to get some food. Apparently Rin speaks Spanish amazingly and I only know how to say muchacho…but that's not gonna get me anywhere. We went up to the counter and the lady said something in Spanish.

"Peut-être" I said back.

Rin and the lady just stared at me. I just smiled back. Rin then told her we wanted these bread things. Then she ordered us banana smoothies (Yay!).

We sat in a booth and ate our bread thingies and drank our smoothies.

"Wow Len, you taste amazing!" Rin said, sipping her smoothie.

"Of course I do!...WAIT WHAT?"

"The smoothie, I'm saying since you're favorite food is a banana then you must taste like this smoothie."

"Oh right…of course."

And then it was awkward.

After all that I went up to Kaito and told him all about the Zombie Apocalypse. He looked at me and started laughing.

"The Zombie Apocalypse is not a real thing and is never going to happen."

"It will happen! And when it does, you'll be eaten and I'll be laughing!"

"Won't you get eaten too?"

"..No, I taste like bananas and everyone knows zombie's get rashes from eating bananas."

"Sure…Well anyways, the Zombie Apocalypse will never happen"

"It will! I'll get everyone in the world to sign a paper saying that the zombie apocalypse will happen!"

"That won't prove anything! It'll just show that people are idiots."

"What if the president signs it?"

"That still won't prove anything."

"Whatever!" I said and stomped to my room..

I took out a piece of paper and wrote Zombie Apocalypse on the top. I went to Luka and asked her if she would sign it.

"What's it about?"

"The Zombie Apocalypse"

"Are we supporting the Zombie Apocalypse? Because I kinda don't want it to happen."

"No, we're just saying that it will happen."

"But what if it doesn't?"

"Just sign it!"

"Why?"

"To prove Kaito wrong?"

"Okay." She said and signed her name.

By the end of the day I got 5 or 6 signatures. Hopefully I'll have a lot more soon.

The end,

Kagamine Len


	8. Chapter 8

11/7/11

Dear Diary,

Today I had a party in the basement. Miku said she was going for a walk and a few minutes later, came back with a lot of boxes filled with cookies, chips, and sandwiches. We threw out all the sandwiches and put out the chips and cookies. Rin went upstairs and came back down with all this candy. I brought my IPod down and cranked up the toons (Woot woot!). We were having a great time when all of a sudden Kaito, Luka and Meiko came down to the basement. They just started hanging out and stealing our food.

"What are you guys doing?"

"We came for the food." Luka said eating a cookie.

"Fine, whatever."

We all had a good time partying in the basement. More people starting showing up, even people none of us had ever seen in our life.

"Who are all these people?" I yelled

"No idea!" Rin yelled back to me.

I would have told them to leave, but they were about five times bigger than me and almost all of them had mustaches (even some of the woman) and I really didn't want them ruining my beautiful face.

I walked up to Kaito and decided to annoy him.

"Whaddup?"

"Don't you mean what is up?"

"Don't lecture me about grammar at a party."

"But grammar is something that should be taken seriously! You need to have good grammar everywhere you go!"

"I are good at grammar!" I said and stormed off.

Luka, Rin, Miku, and I danced the night away, I woke up in a closet I didn't even know we had, and there are still scary people in our basement.

Well, time to call the police.

That's it for now,

Kagamine Len


	9. Chapter 9

11/14/11

Dear Diary,

Is "Dear Diary" really a manly thing to say? I mean, I've only really heard of girls saying it. Maybe I'll say something like "What up man journal."….Well, maybe not.

Anyways, today I decided to make some banana milk since bananas are amazing and milk is like, the only thing we have in the stupid fridge! I poured myself a glass of milk and stuck a whole banana in it. When I drank it, it just tasted like milk! Then Miku walked in and stared at me with judgment and weirdness.

"What are you doing?"

"Drinking banana milk."

"Why?"

"Because banana water would just be disgusting."

"…GOD YOU'RE SUCH A FREAK!"

I really don't know what was wrong with her. She was probably yelling at the card board cut out of her again (She thinks it's a mirror that won't follow her movements.). Anyways, later today I walked into the kitchen and I saw Miku dipping a leek in some milk. Who does that?

Today I also realized that the word flamingo isn't used that much in everyday life, so from now on I will use it at least once in a sentence everyday. So my sentence including flamingoes today is. "Flamingoes are amazing giant pink chickens that live in the zoo."

Sadly, I still haven't gotten the president to sign my zombie apocalypse paper, but I think I could just mail it to him and tell him it's for a good cause.

I think that's all that happened today.

Buh bye (I think I like that one the best.),

Kagamine Len


	10. Chapter 10

11/15/11

Dear Diary,

HOT! HOT! HOT!

That stupid witch! I was just standing by her when I realized how thirsty I was.

"Hey Miku, can I have some of your drink?"

"Sure." She said, handing me the giant cup.

I took it from her and started chugging the drink. I drank about half of it when I started to feel a horrible burning in my.

"What is this?"

"Hot sauce."

"WHAT THE HELL MIKU? WHO FILLS UP A GIANT CUP WITH HOT SAUCE?"

"I'm trying to get immune to feeling heat in my mouth!"

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!"

"Whatever, soon I can become one of those fire-eaters and make millions."

"…Idiot."

I walked by to my room and sat on my bed. Then some one dressed as a reaper came in, put an X on my arm, and left.

"What the hell?"

That was pretty much the weirdest thing I've ever seen. I walked out of my room and saw everyone had an X but Rin.

"Len! Come here and mark me!"

"What?"

"With the X! I wanna be dead!"

"I'm...so…confused."

"If the reaper marks you with an X. then you're dead and you can't talk."

Can't talk? Rin? Yeah right!

"Do it, do it, doooooo it!"

I marked an X on her arm and she shut up immediately shut up. That was probably the best thing that has ever happened to me. Rin didn't say a word for the whole day. It started freaking me out after awhile because I thought maybe she went mute.

Well, my mouth is still on fire and I think my taste buds may have burned off. I sure hope Miku is in more pain than I am.

Buh bye,

Len Kagamine


	11. Chapter 11

Dear Diary,

Today I was just minding my own business, opening and closing a safety pin with my teeth when Luka comes up.

"You're gonna stab your tongue idiot!"

"Shut up! I've been doing this for hours and I'm still fine."

"Give it to me." She said glaring and holding out her hand.

I went to grab it out of my mouth when it stabbed my finger.

"HA! I told you!"

"I stabbed my finger not my tongue!" I yelled

We argued for awhile when I noticed that I no longer felt the safety pin in my mouth. I stood there in shock while Luka stared at me.

"What's wrong?"

"I think I swallowed the safety pin..."

"…I told you not to put it in your mouth!"

"OH MY GOD, I'M GONNA DIE!" I screamed.

"Stop whining! You're such a kid sometimes! You're not gonna die."

"But I-"

"Just forget about it! Go do something random and stupid like you always do!"

"Yay!"

She handed me a sharpie for some reason and kicked me outside.

I can't remember the last time I had a sharpie. Kaito said it was illegal for me to use sharpies because I drew on my face with one and had to scrub my face really hard to get it off(It left a huge bruise thingy) and he took them all away from me!

I decided to go and sharpie all the flowers black. It was really hard since they were really soft and fragile. I was coloring my 30th flower when Kaito came outside and took my sharpie. I got really mad and starting throwing the flowers at him. Most of the just blew away in the wind or got stuck in his hair.

Now I'm just sitting in my room. My hand feels so empty without its dear sharpie.

Well, I'm starting to feel like something is stabbing my stomach. Time to go to the doctor!(Again.)

Buh Bai,

Kagamine Len


	12. Chapter 12

12/5/11

Dear Diary,

This Christmas I will be a nicer person and do nice things for everyone! I have decided to help little worms survive the winter. I'm gonna make them little sweaters and hats! Worms live in the dirt and don't have any heaters in their little worm houses. I bet they would adore some little sweaters.

I have also decided to be nice to Rin. I'm baking her an orange pie! I'm also gonna give her orange milk and oranges! Yep, I'm definitely the besterest brother in the world. Of course I will be expecting something in return. (BANANA CAKE!)

This whole being nice to people thing is actually kind of fun. I've been kind to everyone but Miku. Miku, that little bitch! She was sick a few days ago so I was chosen to help her feel better. She asked me to go get her some milk from the kitchen. All the cups were dirty and doing the dishes seemed like waaaaay to much work for someone with onion breath. I opened a small plastic bag and poured the milk in there. Then, when I gave it to her, she started screaming at me.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?"

"Milk..?"

"Well, why is it in a bag idiot!"

"Because the cups were dirty."

"DO THE FREAKIN DISHES STUPID!"

"I DIDN"T ASK FOR THIS!"

I took a safety pin and popped the bag of milk. (Oh, the doctor said that the safety pin would cause me any harm and the only thing I should be worried about is my brain…I don't understand.) The milk spilled all over her! Then I ran out of there before she started to scream at me. I was all the way outside when I heard.

"!"

And people say I'm slow to realize stuff.

Anyways, that's pretty much all that happened today.

Buh bye,

Kagamine Len


	13. Chapter 13

12/7/11

Dear Diary,

I hate myself!

Today I went outside to take out the trash and when I was going back to the house, I realized I lost the key! I was outside searching for about an hour when I thought that it might be in the dumpster! I waited until nobody was around and then hopped in the dumpster. Of course, that's when everyone just decided to go outside. They all stared at me like I was some dumpster hobo!

After a few minutes of searching, I couldn't find the key and hopped back out. I stood in the parking lot and started yelling at the top of my lungs. Then I looked insane to the people. I looked down at my feet and saw the little silver key. I grabbed it and squealed with happiness, then I must have looked like a freak, but I don't care!

I ran back inside but ran into Kaito on the way in.

"OH LEN!YOU SMELL AWFUL!"

"SHUT UP!" I screamed and threw the key at him. Then I ran up to my room.

I swear, I will never lose that stupid key ever again! In fact, I never even want to see that key again!

Anyways, before that incident, my day was pretty normal. I saw a woman drinking yogurt in the store and just dropping the empties on the floor. Then her husband and some other guy almost got in a fight for some stupid reason. I really wanted to watch, but Luka dragged me out of the store.

Oh, I decided I would be nice to Miku after all, so I went and made her some leek soup. While I was washing the leeks I realized, the only way to wash them looks naughty! No matter how many different ways I tried to scrub them, they all just looked plain wrong. Kaito walked in when I was trying to wash them in probably the most inappropriate way possible.

"LEN! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

"I'm…uhhh….washing this leek."

"Are you sure?" He said, staring at me in shock.

"IT'S THE ONLY WAY TO WASH IT ALL!" 

Kaito slapped my head and walked away, shaking his head.

Sometimes I really hate that man.

Well, I think that's all that happened. Oh wait, I learned how to spell Horchata! I thought it was spelled like orchata but I guess not. Yep, that's pretty much all that happened.

Buh bye,

Kagamine Len


	14. Chapter 14

12/29/11

Dear Diary,

FLERP DERP!

Sorry I haven't been writing in you diary! I just caught this new disease called Lazy. It causes my to lay around all day and do nothing. Sadly, the science people haven't found a cure.

Anyways, Christmas was fun! I was gonna go sledding but I couldn't find my sled. Luckily for me, Miku was standing right next to me. I pushed her down and sat on her. Then I grabbed her pigtail and went down the hill. She was screaming the whole way down so it was a double win!

When we finally got down the hill, I got up and ran for my dear life! Sadly, Miku is extremely fast! I swear, its like her pigtails fly in circles and make her go faster! Like a motorboat! She tackled my and we went rolling down another hill but this one was cement and it definitely wasn't as fun as the first time!

I finally stopped rolling when I hit this wall. Miku was still rolling so I figured that was my chance to get away. I ran back inside and locked the door. Then Kaito came up, slapped cookie dough on my face, and left. That was only the beginning on that random weirdness! When I was going through my stocking, there was a giant meat stick in it! Seriously! Who does that? Then, I was in the toy store riding on these awesome bike things when the store clerk started beating me up with these blown up boxing gloves. Annnnnd finally, I was just sitting on a bench when a child came up, slapped me, and walked away. Why was everyone hitting me!

Well, I think that's pretty much all that happened.

Buh Bai,

Kagamine Len


	15. Chapter 15

1/6/12

Dear Diary,

Today Rin tried to strip me! I really don't know what's wrong with that woman. Sometimes I wonder if she wants to be all incesty with me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining, I'm just creeped out a little...Okay, a lot.

Rin is annoying the crap out of me! When I type some things, I put two capital letters instead of one and she always says, "You spelled that wrong!"

Shut up woman! I freaking hate you!...I wish I could trade her for someone else. Anyone else!

Well anyways, Rin is biting me and its causing me so much pain but now I can't even feel it! Its pretty weird. I don't know why she's being such a creep! We were having so much fun until she started creeping me out.

Now my should is burning. I wonder if she has rabies...Did I get a rabies shot? Is it illegal not to get a rabies shot? Important questions!

I made brownies..Kind of. I tried to but then Mew started freaking out at me. I just wanted to do the wisking. I even made a cool joke about it but Mew just jabbed me in the stomach. I think I'm internally bruised!

My arm is shaking. I bet its because Rin bit it! I knew she had rabies. I probably have a weird disease that doesn't have a cure yet. Its Rin disease that only people with the last name Kagamine can get. I'm probably gonna have to go on one of those epic journeys to get the cure like in those movies. I'll face dangers and find love! Then I'll have to climb up a horrible volcano with about 1% chance of survival to get a flower that I will have to make into tea and drink. I don't even know how to make tea so I'll probably just eat it. Then it won't work and I'll have to start all over. Sadly, I will already be half bald because that's one of the symptoms of Rin disease. I probably could have already finished my journey in the time I've been writing this. That"s just how epically awesome I am! Is that how you spell epically? I think so.

I think the brownies are ready! I would go get some, but I'm afraid of Mew bruising all of my internal organs and maybe some external ones. They smell really good so I'm gonna take a chance and go get some.

Buh bye,

Kagamine Len


	16. Chapter 16

1/12/12

Dear Diary,

Today Rin and I went to a chess class. We decided whoever won could launch a spit ball in the teacher's eye. We named all the chess pieces and screamed when our favorite pieces were taken. Everyone stared at us like we were some kind of freaks. Then the teacher's phone rang so he answered it. That's when Rin and I put our hands aroung our eyes to make a mask thing and stared at him. He started laughing between words. I bet he was having some really serious conversation with someone and they thought he was laughing about it.

Anyways, Rin won our game but I think she swithed out some pieces when I wasn't looking. She didn't even throw a spit ball at the teacher! After our game, we went over to his desk and started to freak him out. I took this weird light thing he had and started waving it around.

"Hey Rin, does my mouth glow when I do this?" I said sticking the light in my mouth.

"That's really weird.." he said staring at me.

"YOU'RE WEIRD!" I screamed and pretended to cry.

"Get out of my class!" The teacher yelled.

I think we broke his brain or something. That poor man could not comprehend my awesomeness!

We went home and I sat in my room. A few minutes later a cat randomly walked in my room. We stared at each other for awhile before I started freaking out.

"LUKA!THERE'S A CAT IN MY ROOM!"

Luka stormed in my room and scared the cat. It freaked out and ran right between her legs, making her scream.

"OH MY GOD!" she screamed as it ran out the door.

"I told you..."

Today was really weird,but fun! That is all.

Buh Bai,

Kagamine Len


	17. Chapter 17

1/16/12

Dear Diary,

Gumi, Meiko, Kaito, Piko, Gakupo, Rin, Miku, Luka, Lily, and I went to a hotel to spend the night at. We went swimming ang worked out at the gym... Sort of. I played with one of those yoga balls while everyone else sat on the workout equipment and wached the T.V's on them. We sat there until one of the workers kicked us out.

After that, we decided to get in pairs and play tag hide and seek. The pairs were Rin and I, Luka and Gakupo, Kaito and Lily, Miku and Gumi, Meiko and Piko. After we were all paired up, we ran around the hotel. Rin and I found newspapers and pretended to read them in the lobby. It would have been the perfect plan, but we couldn't stop laughing. Thats when we saw Luka and Gakupo, who were it, across the lobby. We crouched down low and ran down a hallway. RIn and I weren't really looking where we were going and ran into Kaito and Lily. We decided to group our pairs together and went to the elavator. I guess we all must have looked like some awesome ninjas to everyone else.

All of us ran around the hotel for about an hour before we went back to our room and found Luka and Gakupo watching t.v. They were there for almost the whole game while we were all running around!While everyoneone was yelling at Luka and Gakupo, Kaito and I went outside and greeted people coming in. There was one man who gave us the weirdst greeting.

"HI!" Kaito and I yelled to him.

"How are you girls?" He said.

We sat there for awhile before realizing what he said.

"Fine..but we're boys.." Kaito said.

"Oh, I thought you were short haired girls." He said and walked inside.

Kaito and I sat there holding our breath until the doors closed and the guy couldn't hear us. Then we burst out laughing extremly loud. Kaito ran down the staris to tell the others. I took the elevator since stairs are soooo hard to walk down! There was a guy standing behind me waiting for the elevator. When it opened, I pushed the first floorbutton and the doors started closing right in the guy's face.

" I'M SO SORRY!" I screamed trying to push the open door button.

That guy probably hates my guts now! But that's okay because I probably won't see him ever again.

When I got downstairs, I went to the room and found everyone asleep. It was really weird because Miku was sleeping in the curtains and Gakupo was in the bathtub. It was really late so I went to sleep too. Gakupo and I woke up at the same time and went up to get breakfast. He grabbed a blueberry muffin and was just about to bite into it when an employee came running around the corner.

"NO MUFFINS!YOU EAT THAT AND YOU WILL BE KICKED OUT!" She screamed

Gakupo put the muffin down and we walked away quickly. When we got back in the room, everyone was awake. We packed all our stuff up and waited in the lobby for our bus to come pick us up. It was really boring so I pulled out Twister that I brought. I layed it out and we started playing. Everyone was glaring at us while we played. AN old man came up to us and started talking to us.

"The last time I played Twister was 20 year ago. I had a nice lady partner and we would get into some pretty intense poses." He said.

We all broke out laughing and fell onto each other. Sadly, that meant we had to start over, but the bus came just then. I packed up Twister and put it in my bag. WE got in the bus and rode home.

That's pretty much it.

Buh Bai,

Kagamine Len


	18. Chapter 18

1/26/12

Dear Diary,

Today while Luka was driving us to the store, Miku and I were having a bird counting contest. I counted birds on the ground and she counted them on the light post thingies. I chose the birds on the ground because there are always birds on the ground...except for today! Miku counted three birds and I only counted one. I didn't actually see any birds on the ground, but I said I did because Miku kept annoying me about not seeing any birds.

Luka dropped Meiko, Kaito, and I off at the store. Meiko was skipping in the story so happily. She was skipping behind one of the counters and tripped. It was so freaking hilarious! Kaito and I were almost in tears laughing. While Kaito was catching his breath, I picked up this squirtable soap and squeezed the bottle so I could smell it. The soap squirted right into my mouth. It didn't taste like milk and honey at all!

After the store, Luka picked us back up and Miku told me that she saw about 40 birds on the ground after I left... I started to scream.

When we got home, I watched some T.V. The show I was watching was about how bread is made. I was learning all about how bread was made when Luka came in and starting annoying me about doing the dishes.

"Shut up Luka! I'm learning how bread is made!"

"That's stupid. Bread is made by cows!"

"...Cows?"

"Oh wait..Nevermind." She said and walked away.

Thankfully, that made her forget about the dishes and I could continue my laziness.

A really stupid, random commercial came on. It said:

"Don't you hate it when someone comes and rams you in a wall? Well so do we! That's why we invented the pillow hat! With the pillow hat, no matter how much you get rammed into a wall, you won't feel a thing!"

That was the stupidest thing I've ever seen! I turned off the T.V. and started walking to my room. That's when Kaito came over and slammed me into a door and walked away. I had no idea why he did that but I ran to the T.V. and turned it on again. The commercial for the pillow hat was still on! I was waiting for the number to show up but right before it ended, there was this thing saying that the pillow hat was just a fake commercial! I decided that maybe I should make a pillow hat for people who get slammed in walls.

Better start working on it.

Buh Bai,

Kagamine Len


	19. Chapter 19

2/28/12

Dear Diary,

Sorry I haven't written in you in awhile...That sounds strange...Writting in you...ANYWAYS!

Nothing's really been happening so, blame my boring life for me not writing sooner. I guess I'll just be writing random things...

I went to the mall with Rin but we lost each other! Then two hours later I went home because I couldn't find her, and she was just sitting in her room! I no longer want to go to the mall with her. Its okay though because while I was at the mall, I was sitting in the food court and had the deepest idea ever! If everyone in the world recycled, I bet something good would happen. I really should be a motivational speaker.

Wouldn't it be weird if someone was born with the face and hands of a person, but all the rest of them was a tiger? I wonder what they'd be called... Probably a higer or a tuman, I would name them Gary. Would Gary say 'roar', 'rawr', or speak english? These are all good questions.

I get really awkward when people cry right next to me. I don't know how to handle people! I usually just awkwardly hug them and say "There there." I really suck at things like that. I think that if someone's crying and they see me, they should just walk away. I also hate it when I make people cry because the first thought in my mind is "Oh shit, I'm gonna get in trouble!". Then I run away, but then I start to feel bad about making them cry, and after that I hate the person because zi got in trouble for bringing forth the liquids from their eyes. So clearly, I just get bipolar when people cry.

I just came up with the best idea while thinking about bananas and staring at a light! Banana flavored lightbulbs! God, I'm a genius...I don't even know if I spelled that right...BUT THAT DOESN'T MATTER! Diffrent flavored lightbulbs could be the next big thing. People could use them anywhere they carry a lamp! For example, the road, the mall, the library, and many mooooore!

Well, that's all I have to say about that.

Buh Bai,

Kagamine Len


	20. Chapter 20

3/1/12

Today.

Luka.

Ate.

My.

Cake.

It.

Was.

HORRIBLE!

I was so looking forward to eating it but when I went to the fridge, it was GONE! I can never forgive Luka for this...NEVER! I take cake very seriously and when someone eats my cake..all hell breaks loose! This is pretty much all that happened so until I remember something elae that happened, I shall continue ranting...So about my cake..it was chocolate and square and came with a cute little spoon. IT WAS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING. Luka said she was going to buy me a whole cake tomorrow though, so I guess I can forgive her. Unless she doesn't buy me a cake. Then the cake will be a lie!

The only other thing I can think of that happened today was that I gave a speech on Manatees in my room. It was pretty sexy! There were pictures and words and buttons to be pressed. Sadly, Rin won't let me give the speech at her party which I don't get. Who doesn't want to hear a speech about extremly fat creatures who squish their faces on glass? THAT'S FREAKING AWESOME! If I had a manatee, his name would be Nemoy and I would jiggle his face body all the time...What if I jiggled him to much and he had a heart attack? I would cry,and then probably roll him to he vet...or wherever you take a manatee.

So anyways like writing, like pie, like math..

OH! Today I fed Rin pie...pumpkin pie...not orange pie...I don't actually knows why that matters...but it does!

HA!

RANDOM

Bye!

Kagamine Len


	21. Chapter 21

3/2/12

Dear Diary,

Luka. Didn't. Buy. Me. My. Cake.

I'm. Extremely, MAAAAAAAAAAD.

She drove us to the store so we could get a cake and only a cake. Then she left me in the car and went to the store. I was in the car for like an hour and a half and there wasn't even anything good on the radio! It was almost as painful as this time I watched the most boring movie in the world... When Luka came back,she had like five bags and not one had my cake! I went through all the pain and all she got me was a small glass of coffee...A SMALL GLASS! I drank that delicious coffee in so much suffering, even though it only took me a few seconds. I was thirsty.

Well, its really early in the morning so nothings really happened, except for the horrible experience at the store. Later today, Miku's gonna buy me a giant panda bear!YAY! I guess I'll just talk about some intense memories of my childhood since there's not much else to talk about.

There was this one time when I was at this church and I got my thumb stuck in an elevator door. I was screaming and freaking out and the guy behind me was just staring at me! Then this other time I was feeding ducks and a goose started chasing me. I put my bread and then ran, but then I decided that goose didn't deserve my bread so I grabbed it and ran for my dear life. Luckily, I survived. I have alot of terrible childhood memories. Maybe one day I'll get around to writing them all down, but today I'm too lazy and oddly, I'm craving Fruitloops. They're like a punch in the mouth from fruitiness.

I feel like sharing my weirdest intrest...with..myself? And my diary,not that it cares. Anyways, I like when people flip off someone. The middle finger is like, the most straight finger on a hand. I wouldn't even care if it was me getting flipped off! I would just smile and laugh because that just brings me joy! The person would probably get pissed off and punch me in the face though. I wonder how many other people feel the same way about the middle finger.

Okay, that's all, I think I might write another diary entry tonight, but only if I get Fruitloops and cake.

Buh Bai,

Kagamine Len


	22. Chapter 22

3/2/11

Dear Diary,

Today was unusually unusual!

My giant panda bear turned out to be the size of my hand. Luka and I went to five diffrent stores but she never bought me a cake. Nobody could hang out with my sexy self. I didn't even play any video games! Today I was going to play all the ones I had! That's like...four!

I went to the furniture store with Miku and Luka. We went to this little food court and ate. Luka and Miku got hotdogs and I got a monster. I drink really slow, so by the time they ate all there hotdogs, I was halfway through my drink. Since they finished their hotdogs, Miku and Luka. I think they forgot I was there. I was gonna follow them, but you couldn't leave with a drink and I didn't want to throw away my monster! I just sat there drinking my monster while these old people next to me stared at me. Finally, I got to freaked out and I left. Sadly, this meant I had to throw away my monster.

After waundering around the store for awhile, I found Luka and Miku. When they saw me, they started yelling at me for getting lost. Those two girls can yell extremely loud! I thought I was going to go deaf. After the yelling was done, we left the store with a new carpet. I never realized how heavy that little carpet was until it fell on my foot. That stupid carpet shed all over my clothes, but thankfully I had duct tape in the car...for...reasons...

Anyways, later that day we were all going to go to dinner together. I got all ready to go,but then I realized I left my wallet in my room. I went to get it, but when I went back into the kitchen, everyone was gone. I think they forgot about me, but that's okay! They don't have any of my money to help pay for the meal...eventhough I actually never help pay. Actually, I don't even know why I grabbed my wallet in the first place.

I'm not actually complaining right now, I'm sitting. It was actually a pretty good day if I take away all of those things! Eventhough my shoelaces were untied the whole day, I didn't even trip. SKILLS! I also looked sexier than I do most days and thats always makes days better! Its to bad the only people that got to fully admire my sexiness were the old people.

Well,thats it.

Buh Bai,

Kagamine Sexy Len


	23. Chapter 23

3/5/12

Dear Diary,

It is the 5th right? I would check,but I'm way to lazy!...I'M STARVING! I would eat something but I just ate a sandwich, two waffles with nutella on them, and possibly something else I forgot to add. I would go eat something else but I already feel like I've eaten too much already. Plus, Kaito's bringing food soon.

Lately I've been watching alot of people's YouTube shows and that got me thinking. If I made a YouTube channel, I wonder how many people would watch it. I wouldn't want to do it alone so I'd probably get Rin or Miku or someone else to do it with me. I don't really know what I'd do in it, probably just carry a camera around so people could see how my life is. They could also experience my sexiness first hand! All I have to do is find alot of money to buy a video camera...I could sell something, like icecubes or maybe hugs. Who wouldn't want to tenderly embrace this body?

What else to talk about?...Hmmmmmmmm. It must have been really awkward for the guy who figured out about how cow's make milk. It must have been even more strange to tell other people about it! Fried Milk? Does that exist? I was just watching a show and it said something about fried milk. I remeber once Rin and I ate fried cheescake...it was either that or chocolate dipped cheesecake..It was probably the last one. They also had fried cheese sticks, but that might be normal..I wouldn't know. What haven't people fried yet? Salad? Thats all I could think of. Maybe chocolate milk, but if they did fry that then my life will never be the same.

So...

Flerp

Derp

And

Stuff!

I actually did that for a good reason! It's because I don't like these diary entries being short, and by short I mean not taking up alot of a page! That's why I like including conversations, so I guess I'll include one!

Everytime I saw Rin I'd yell:

"RIN! IT'S DESTINY THAT WE SAW EACH OTHER JUST NOW!"

She was a little confused and freaked out at first, but then she also began to think it was destiny!

OH GOD! KAITO'S BACK WITH THE NOM NOMS!

BUH BAI,

Kagamine Len


	24. Chapter 24

Dear Diary,

So sorry for not writing in like forever! I've been extremely busy doing importanty stuff.

A week ago Luka, Gumi, Kaito, Miku and I all went to Hawaii. It was extremely fun but so freaking hot. I got sunburned so much. I even got one right above my knee which is weird because I didn't even show that part of my leg at all and now its turning all purple. I don't know if I'm having some sort of allergic reaction or something but I'm not gonna o anything about it until my leg starts to fall off or something. Anyways, for lunch one day I took Luka's sandwich because I thought she wasn't going to eat it the Kaito yelled,

"Isn't that Luka's sandwich?"

That's when it got intense. I had to grab the sandwich and freaking run or my life! That crazy psychopath chased my all around the hotel room and put me through so much pain for a half eaten sandwich. It was worth it though because that sandwich was like baby angels dancing in my mouth.

After we got back from Hawaii Luka Gumi and I went to a restaurant to celebrate Luka's birthday. Gumi and I were laughing and having a great time while Luka sat there and just stared at us like we were creepy weirdos. I started throwing spit balls at Gumi and this really creepy lady started at me without blinking even once. It was a very traumatizing experience.

Well, that's all that happened I think,

Buh Bai,

Kagamine Len


	25. Chapter 25

12/27/2021

Dear Diary,

Rin Sucks!

Why does Rin suck?

Thanks so much for asking. I shall now create a well thought out list.

1. She got me an automatic candy dispenser for Christmas… But instead of gently dispensing me some candy, it just shoots it out at me. Now I like candy, but not when its hurtling towards me at a hundred miles an hour.

2. She's a monster in the morning. When I'm walking in the hallways, she pushes me down and beats me up!

3. She always rants about some guy she likes, but when I give her the best advice ever, she doesn't listen! I know everything! Just take my sexy advice!

4. She has more Facebook friends than me. Like whaaaaaat?! I bet she just made a lot of fake accounts just to make me think she was more popular than me!

5. My hair is acting extremely weird today and I bet Rin messed it up somehow!

6. She only calls me when I have my ringtone off! It's like she knows when I have my phone on silent and decides to blow up my cellular device! Then she complains about me not answering my phone….

7. Rin texts more people than me, so she thinks she's "cool". I only text one person…and that's Rin…..It's quite sad.

8. Rin can't play video games. That's a life skill everyone needs!

9. She says 'Lame' way too much, which makes me say it too. It's a twin thing I guess.

10. She doesn't like Twizzlers. Now I can overlook the other things, but I draw the line at hating Twizzlers. WHO HATES TWIZZLERS!? I'm eating some right now and they are delicious! I can't believe she calls herself my sister. I want her kicked out of the establishment! I want all the food in the world to spontaneously combust so that only Twizzlers are left and she'll have to eat them! Twizzlers aren't just a candy! They can be a straw if bitten on both sides. They can be used for slapping. I mean, what can't they be used for? I just can't believe my sister is a heartless beast!

11. I can't find my pants so she must be stealing them.

Sincerely Hating Rin,

Kagamine Len


	26. Chapter 26

9/5/2014

Dear Diary,

Rin went to a concert last night and now she won't shut up about it. She didn't go with me. (What a bitch) Usually Rin grabs my face and sings to me whenever there is music playing. Since she went with someone else, she ended up grabbing their face and singing to them forgetting that I was the only one who accepted that. It didn't end well and now she's judged by society. That's what she gets for not bringing her brother with her to a concert.

Recently, Rin has been into yaoi games… She plays them everywhere…..Even in public. It's really embarrassing. Especially since she puts the volume on high…..

Miku, Rin, and I went to this pumping party. I was enjoying myself but Rin and Miku were complaining about their slutty heels hurting their feet. They stopped whinnying after some guy walked by. Apparently he was a "satisfactory young gentleman". Whatever that means. They started running after him. It was really amazing how fast they moved in such high heels.

After they chased the poor guy down and embarrassed themselves, we decided to go outside and chillax. When we got outside we found this dirty fountain. Miku thought it was a pool and put her feet in it. She was really enjoying herself until she slipped and fell in. That was probably the best day of my life.

Well, that's it.

Buh-bye,

Len Kagamine

* * *

><p>AN: Check out Rin's Diary by FakeTalesOfSanFransisco.


	27. Chapter 27

9/6/2014

Dear Diary,

I just found out that I am color blind. I am quite sad to have found this out. I have enjoyed living my life believing that I am the master of knowing colors. Miku and Rin make fun of me all the time now. One day we were all sitting around watching strange videos Miku seems to like when I became quite parched. I told Rin to get me the orange beverage in the fridge but she told me there wasn't anything orange in the fridge. This is how it went down:

"Rin, are you blind? It's right there!"

And she was all like, "Are you color blind? That's brown." (But it was totally orange.)

"Can't you even see your favorite color Rin? There's no way that's orange."

Then Miku decided to get all up in our conversation. She was all, "Len, you really are colorblind. That is seriously brown."

Then they made fun of me and finally poured me the "brown" drink. I am sad to say the beverage was not even satisfying and thus not worth the pain I received from its color.

So now if I ever ask for something they ask me what color it is.

I don't even know why I hang out with them. I need new friends. New friends and a better sibling. A sibling who should realize how fortunate they are to have a brother like me. A brother who is amazing, sexy, perfect, awesome, breathtaking, and just so so sexy! Did I already say I was sexy? Oh well. I am. I wish people would recognize it more often. But there's nothing I can do except for look good all the time (Which I do.).

That's pretty much it.

Bye,

Len Kagamine


	28. Chapter 28

9/9/2014

Dear Diary,

This morning was pretty ordinary. Rin was creeping on Leon like she always does. She's so weird. I don't even know why she likes him. His hair is always so messy. I'm not really sure if he knows what a brush is. I should give him one. Anyways, Rin has this crazy obsession with him. It's actually pretty funny since he doesn't even know what romance is. They would make an awkward couple but they're both losers so I guess they would go pretty well together.

I had to go to this office and get something signed. It was the worst experience in my life. I had to get this stupid paper signed quickly because I had somewhere else to be and I thought I would be done quickly. Boy was I wrong. I went to the lady I assumed would have to sign it for me but she ended up telling me that she wasn't the right person and sent me somewhere else. When I got to my new destination, this lady at the front desk told me that she couldn't sign it for me and that this guy in charge was supposed to, but he was away. We finally found him in this closet….. It was weird….. But anyways, he told me he couldn't sign the paper and sent me back to the lady I first went to who was now in a meeting and I had to wait for her to get out. I literally wanted to break down and cry right there. After all that, I promised that I would never leave my room again.

Somehow this huge ball of fur got on me and I thought it was a giant spider. I was too surprised (not scared) to scream so I ended up just flopping around to get it off me. Rin apparently saw me because she started laughing hysterically. I don't know why she thought it was so funny. She isn't perfect. Like this morning when we were leaving school we were just walking and she slammed her foot down really hard. It startled me because I thought she was stepping on a bug or something but instead she almost tripped and just stomped her foot to catch herself. What an ungraceful loser.

That's my sexy yet unfortunate life.

Bye,

Len Kagamine


End file.
